Between Borders and Burdens

The Reality of Living Abroad

Living abroad fills the eyes and ears of those who’ve never had the experience, but the naked truth is very different from the poetic version it may seem.

There are two initial decisions to make when choosing to live abroad: the decision itself and the destination. From there, things get complicated. As my teacher Dr. Randi Warne says, “Look at the question behind the question.” After the two decisions — yes, ideally made together — the so-called “questions behind the questions” begin to emerge.

When you decide where you’re going, you need to define the reasons behind that choice. (You might even have the reasons before the decision, depending on your intentions.) After all, how can you decide without reasons or arguments? “But I just want to live abroad.” — Darling, even the simple act of wanting something already brings a reason with it.

For example, I decided to leave my country of birth because I didn’t identify with it — not to tarnish its image, since it is a beautiful place. But I simply don’t connect with its economic and political ideals, nor its warm climate. For many — other natives and immigrants — it’s paradise. But not for me, and that in itself is a heavy burden.

So, where is my paradise? Which border will I need to cross to feel at home? This is a journey of deep self-knowledge, and as such, it’s full of obstacles, joy, frustration, disagreement, laughter, tears — I even discovered I can laugh and cry at the same time — hate, love, and anger.

Living abroad is suffocating at times. Every day is a new challenge. You have to research visa requirements (including how much money needs to be in your bank account), apply, and buy a one-way ticket (which honestly makes you want to sh***). Then, register your arrival, get a social insurance number (or personal ID), open a bank account, get a new SIM card, back up your WhatsApp, find a job, and a place to live. And this is a summary. Each country has its own level of bureaucracy and different timelines. You usually only find out once you arrive — and most things (except for the visa and ticket) you can only do after arriving.

So things get messy. And what do you do? Pay for therapy, of course. Because going back home may not feel like an option anymore — it is, but we tell ourselves it’s not. By this point, you’ve cried six times, regretted everything, and called your mom sobbing — exactly what she feared would happen. You may even have a new diagnosis, but since you’re new in the country, you can’t see a doctor yet. So you suffer quietly, little apple of wronged immigrants.

But the good moments? They are priceless. When bad things happen, you’ll forget this. Still, you only push through the bad because the good is worth it.

You’ve probably heard how amazing it is to explore new cultures and foods — but do you really know what that means? Meeting new people means meeting boring people and wonderful ones — in another language. You’ll meet people with experiences of war (not academic knowledge — real-life participation), and people who view poverty and privilege through completely different lenses. You’ll meet those who see themselves as victims in ways that differ from your immigrant perspective, and others who know they are privileged simply for never having had to leave their country.

You’ve left your bubble. You’ll learn what “simplicity” and “wealth” mean in ways you’ve never imagined. In some countries, simplicity is just salt and pepper. In others, it’s everything you can find in the market. Simplicity and wealth, these are personal concepts, so don’t fall for everything you see and hear out there (that goes for both the good and the bad things). That might be the biggest lesson I’ve learned from living abroad: the immensity those two words carry.

The immigrant life is like this: simple, yet rich. The irony is that you risk becoming an immigrant in your own home country after simply living away from it for so long, which means that you have no place to come back to — but don’t worry, it only enriches who you are.